Greetings From Boston

I forgot the cord for my camera, so no pictures for a while. I'm here in Boston for 5 nights. Today through Wednesday, I'm attending the HOW Design Conference with all of the other Art Directors in my company and then Wednesday afternoon through Thursday, we're having our spring AD meeting in Cambridge. On Friday morning, I'll be taking the train down to NYC to see one of my oldest friends, Emily, and her new baby. I can't wait.

I've been to Boston a few times now and I really like it here. I would think though, that by now, I would know my way around a bit better than I do, but it took me over an hour to find the Whole Foods closest to my hotel today. It's about 1/2 a mile from my hotel. I'm so cool. I finally found it though, and I got a few goodies to stock the fridge with in my room as well as a metric shitton of water.

Tomorrow, I'll be in conference sessions all day long. They mostly concentrate on special issues that pertain to being an in-house designer, as well as some cool stuff about unleashing creativity and managing processes. I'm really excited for all the things I'm going to learn, and a hopeful spring in my design step.

Sex and the City

With the movie version of Sex and the City coming out, I guess that TBS is seeing an opportunity. Tonight, I get part une and deux of the finale. And it never fails. I've seen it a million times. It makes me sob like a little girl every single freakin' time.

The only thing about Ms. Carrie that makes me sob is Big. I love him. He's always been my #1, I don't care what anyone says. Aiden was a boring and Burger was a pussy.

Samantha? I never cared. Ever. Until the past two times I saw the finale and she gave the speech with the hot flashes. Girl, I get it. You have NO idea. However, it still pisses me off how hot all those women look when they rip off their wigs during her speech. I looked like Dr. Evil and they all look hot.

Charlotte made me happy in the end because Harry is totally my type, and her relationship with him made me so happy. It was awesome to see her get some humility after the whole Trey thing and fall in love with someone who wasn't "her" like Harry.

Miranda? Always my favorite. Always so me, all the way to the end. She's totally my girl.

And in the end? The man I end up with, I am sure, will be a perfect combination of Harry and Steve, even if that's just in my head.

And no, I do not think I will rush out to see the movie. Quite honestly? I was fine with the way they left it.

Is this what I think it is?

Look away boys, I'm talking menstrual cycles here.

OK, now that it's just us ladies...ZOMG, WTF??? Um, why is my cycle all whacked out? Why am I now having my period every three weeks with RAGING food craving PMS? Seriously, this is not OK. Make it stop.

I have not stopped eating since I walked in the door from work. I can haz cheezeburger indeed.

Also, the fucking hot flashes? HELLO. I am not old enough for this shit.

Somebody get me a fucking Heath bar RIGHT NOW.

In which I shat all over my week of no learning

Allison emailed me on Friday morning to tell me about a class her sister was raving about. It was started by the founder of Vosges Haut Chocolate, Kristina Markoff, and David Romanelli who founded At One Yoga in Phoenix. Since I love chocolate, and I love yoga, I said hell yes.

It was at 7th Street Yoga, a studio I have been to before as my teacher teaches relaxation yoga there on Wednesday and Friday. I really like the studio even if it is a little on the pricey side, limiting my attendance. So we showed up at 11AM only to find the class started at 11:30AM, which was fine by us since it gave us a chance to go to our favorite coffee place, Emerald City Press (if you haven't been, GO NOW) and chat with the owner who is AWESOME and so funny, while we drank some coffee and ate a banana.

At 11:30AM, we got back to 7th Street for the class. There were only 3 of us in there. I can't get over that! It was fantastic! David was funny, smart and awesome. We sampled a Red Fire truffle as he talked us through it. Closing our eyes, tasting the chocolate, listening to him talking about being present. Turns out, that would set the message of this class.

David then took us through an hour of Vinyasa Flow, lots of Downward Facing Dog, Upward Facing Dog, and Warrior poses, balancing on one foot along the way. I was sweaty and I shook, stretched and moved so much that my heart rate went through the roof. It felt AWESOME. Even when I wanted to die, I kept going (I'm not used to flow classes, and in fact, this was my first). David's messages of being present, being in the moment ringing so true. My mind went blank, and I was strictly in these poses. It felt phenomenal.

As we moved to more seated poses for the last half hour, I found myself in pigeon just happy and content to stay there for as long as humanly possible. The stretch to the back of my hips finally helping me release some of the pain I've been feeling there for months. It was here that the message of presence in my daily life really began to take shape.

Ever since I went through chemo, I have felt a major disconnect with the world around me, as well as my own body. When that happened, I did what I needed to do: tunnel visioned straight through the task at hand. I didn't care about anything, only getting well. Fight or flight...I fought. I became a human pin cushion. My body was no longer mine. It was strictly a vessel for which medical science would prove, once again, that they knew how to fix a problem (thank God). And they did. But the whole thing was like an out-o-this-world/my-body-experience.

For the past 6 months, I have felt as though something was missing, and I realized it was that connection to the world, that connection of my mind to my body. I knew that the best thing for me to do was to start doing yoga again, as well as get very into exercising to create that awareness that I crave. I realized that I had not been present in my life for the past 18 months and it was time to get there.

Being present is not easy. It's so easy to get distracted by things like checking email, or your blackberry, or trying to talk on the phone while also looking something up on the internet or go through your mail. It's not fair to yourself, or anyone you are with, if you are not present.

While I've been practicing yoga and working out like a damned fool for the past few months, I've been trying to also create that sense of awareness but it's been hard (they don't call it practice for nothing). Today, somehow or another, David made it click. I thought back on yesterday and why I was so agitated when I was with a friend who kept checking his blackberry when he was with me, or playing a video game on it while we drove.

What I didn't realize at the time was that my agitation was stemming from the fact that he was not being present in the moment. Something that I am, of course, very guilty of myself. Hell, we all are. It's hard to be present with a million distractions coming from every direction.

But, I find, that if I can be here. Right now. That I am much happier than I am when I'm putting my attention to a million other things, or thinking of the past or the future. None of that matters to us. What matters is right here, and right now, and connecting with that which is going on around you.

David talked about a few things, one being that a day should have 3 moments in it for you to remember it, a funny moment, a beautiful moment, and a (well shit, see how hard it is to be in the moment? I can't remember the third). If you don't have these moments, you won't remember the day.

It took me back immediately to one of the best days of my life, the day that I shaved my head. In less than 24 hours notice, everyone of my closest friends showed up at my house, four who were taking the plunge in solidarity with me. I laughed harder than I've ever laughed in my life that night. I felt love more than I ever have in my life that night. I felt fearless in the face of one of the scariest moments in my life that night. I had those elements there and I will never forget it as long as I live. It will take a lot to replace that night as the best of my life.

It also made me think about another phenomenal day when my friends decided that the end of chemo was near and I needed some lifting up since it was really starting to wear on me. They planned an impromptu surprise pep-rally for me one day before chemo. I've never been so touched. That they would see what was going on and put themselves out there to do something about it.

I realized in this class today that the person who had brought me to this workshop had also been present at both of those events. So thank you Allison for being there for the most memorable moments of my life, and bringing me back to the present today.

David ended the class with a great thought, " “Life is just a series of moments. If you miss the moments, you miss your life.” -Robin Sharma

I took it to heart, and will carry it with me.

Bad blogger. I should be better at updating, but, Karla told you about Chicago I think. And quite frankly, I've been tired and not had much to say. Or actually, a lot to say, but keeping it to myself. So now I shall present you with a random bullet point post.

• Kind of a peaceful work week.
• My first Thai massage tomorrow.
• Yoga and Chocolate retreat on Sunday.
• I finally got to see the nutritional oncologist. He suspects I have Celiac's disease. Onc mentioned too last time. As long shot.
• Appt. with gastro on Wed.
• MRI for left hip pain on Friday
• Hey! I'm 80...everyday.

What a Week

This has been one hell of a week, and I was out of town for most of it!

This week, I learned (or had it reiterated to me)

• to go with my first instinct about people
• that you must love yourself if you expect others to love you
• to make sure I've eaten before I work out
• Whole Earth Provisions is far superior to REI
• there are still good men in the world
• it's painful to watch someone you care about learn lessons you've already learned
• you can't control other people's feelings
• some people have a need for drama
• doing the right thing is almost never the easy thing

Next week? I don't want to learn anything. I want next week to be nice, smooth and easy. So if you're reading this and you run into me next week? Do not do anything that would interfere with my week of no learning, OK?

In addition to being cancerversary...

...it's also cartoon avitar day. I present my buddy, Meatwad:
"And I'm going to name you Jesus Ezikiel Jesus. It's from the bible."

#1 in the hood yo.

Guess What Today Is?

It's Cancerversary. Two years ago today, my world changed forever. While Lance may have his 10/2, I have my 4/25. I really do wish it were 4/20. That'd be more fun.